Chapter One<\/p>\n
Lucifer put his arm around me. It felt comforting, like the act of a parent, a parent I\u2019d always wanted\u2014a father. The air filled with the scent of cinnamon. It reminded me so strongly of Gabriel that the tears that always hovered beneath the surface spilled over.<\/p>\n
Lucifer said nothing, only held me as I wept. After a long while, it felt like there were no more tears to be cried. I lifted my head and saw Lucifer watching me with great compassion in his eyes.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf there is one human emotion I truly comprehend, it is grief,\u201d Lucifer said. \u201cI lost Evangeline and my children so long ago, and I never stopped grieving for them.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo it doesn\u2019t stop hurting, then,\u201d I said dully.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe pain becomes, perhaps, not quite so sharp. In the future, you may find that days may pass when you do not think of him at all, but when you do there will be a tenderness there, like a bruise that has never healed.\u201d<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t need Lucifer to tell me that. A piece of me had been taken forever when Gabriel died. You can\u2019t replace the missing parts of your heart.<\/p>\n
Lucifer released me. I felt lost again, empty, except for the flame that burned bright with anger at the thought of Azazel. He would not be able to run far enough.<\/p>\n
\u201cStill, all is not lost. Gabriel lives on inside you,\u201d Lucifer said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I\u2019ve heard all the clich\u00e9s,\u201d I sighed. Beezle and Samiel had been repeating them ad nauseam .<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I mean Gabriel really does live on inside you,\u201d Lucifer said. \u201cHere.\u201d<\/p>\n
He put his hand on my abdomen, and I looked up in shock.<\/p>\n
Far below, deep inside, I felt it.<\/p>\n
The beating of tiny wings.<\/p>\n
A child. Gabriel\u2019s child. Wonder smothered the grief, just for a moment.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy grandchild,\u201d Lucifer said.<\/p>\n
There was such possessiveness in his voice, in his face, that I pulled away from his touch, covering my stomach with my hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo that\u2019s why you wanted me to marry Gabriel,\u201d I said angrily. \u201cSo I can be a part of your supernatural breeding program?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sounds so\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0. indelicate,\u201d Lucifer said.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd yet still true,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Lucifer didn\u2019t bother to acknowledge this. Instead, he said, \u201cYou and Gabriel are powerful beings born of my line. Your child, no doubt, will be magnificent.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t have him,\u201d I said fiercely. \u201cHe\u2019s mine.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mine and Gabriel\u2019s.<\/p>\n
Lucifer took me by the shoulders and kissed me on the forehead. I stayed perfectly still, my hands fisted at my sides, until he released me.<\/p>\n
\u201cCareful, my dear. Every time you try to cross me you just get pulled further into my orbit.\u201d<\/p>\n
He climbed down the steps of my front porch and walked away down the snow-covered sidewalk. I watched him until he was out of sight, his words echoing inside my head.<\/p>\n
Every time you try to cross me you just get pulled further into my orbit.<\/p>\n
It was true that I hadn\u2019t managed to beat Lucifer at his game yet. It was also true that when I tried, something horrible would happen, like my being named the Hound of the Hunt.<\/p>\n
But I was not going to let Lucifer use my child as part of his plan for total world domination. I was not going to let Lucifer take my last piece of Gabriel away.<\/p>\n
Gabriel.<\/p>\n
I felt my shoulders sagging, the familiar weariness settling on me. I wanted to go to sleep, which was pretty much all I\u2019d wanted to do since Azazel had killed Gabriel right in front of me.<\/p>\n
I went back inside, locked the front door and climbed the steps up to my apartment. Beezle and Samiel were nowhere to be seen, which meant that they were probably in Samiel\u2019s apartment downstairs watching a movie.<\/p>\n
I took off the coat that Lucifer had given me. For half a second I contemplated folding it up and tossing it in the trash, but practicality won. Both of my coats had been ruined in various battles with monsters, and I was too broke to afford a new one. On my best day I couldn\u2019t have bought a coat as nice as this.<\/p>\n
I hung the coat up carefully by the back door and wandered down the hall to the kitchen. The idea of a nap suddenly had less appeal. I didn\u2019t want to climb in bed and find myself lying awake thinking about Gabriel or about ways to keep Lucifer from taking my baby.<\/p>\n
My baby.<\/p>\n
How was I supposed to raise a baby? I was surrounded by enemies who tried to kill me on a regular basis. The only reason I was still alive and hadn\u2019t died of my injuries yet was because Gabriel had been around to heal me.<\/p>\n
And now he wasn\u2019t. And I was back to where I\u2019d started, the place I was always trying to escape but found that I circled back to, endlessly.<\/p>\n
Azazel\u2019s sword in Gabriel\u2019s chest. Gabriel falling to the ground.<\/p>\n
I was on my knees, my arms wrapped around my body, trying to stop the pain that never left me, the grief that hung over me like a cloud.<\/p>\n
I put my cheek on the cold tile floor and closed my eyes, hoping I would not dream of Gabriel\u2019s blood in the snow.<\/p>\n
I woke to the insistent tapping of a little gargoyle hand on my cheek.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaddy, wake up,\u201d Beezle said.<\/p>\n
My eyes felt glued shut. My chest hurt, like I\u2019d run a long way taking gasping breaths of air.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t open my eyes or sit up. \u201cGo away, Beezle.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need to eat something,\u201d Beezle said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt won\u2019t hurt me to lose a few pounds,\u201d I mumbled.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, but it will hurt your baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
I opened my eyes. It was dark in the kitchen. Light streamed in the back window from the streetlamp in the alley behind my building. Beezle sat frowning on the floor in front of my face.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow do you know about the baby?\u201d I asked. My voice sounded rusty and unused.<\/p>\n
\u201cGargoyles can see the true nature of things,\u201d he said gently. \u201cI\u2019ve known since the morning after your wedding night.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy didn\u2019t you say anything?\u201d I said, sitting up slowly. I was tired right into my bones.<\/p>\n
Beezle shrugged. \u201cYou had enough on your plate. Besides, I figured you\u2019d find out soon enough from\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u201d<\/p>\n
He trailed off.<\/p>\n
\u201cGabriel,\u201d I finished. \u201cYes, I suppose he would have known.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was hard to know how to feel about that. Gabriel had probably figured out immediately that I was pregnant, just as Lucifer had. But he hadn\u2019t told me.<\/p>\n
\u201cWill all the fallen know as soon as they see me?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
Beezle shook his head. \u201cThey can sense children of their own line. Lucifer, especially, is sensitive to the presence of children of his blood. Evangeline would never have been able to disguise Lucifer\u2019s children from him without Michael\u2019s help.\u201d<\/p>\n
Evangeline, my crazy ancestor who\u2019d started everything by falling in love with Lucifer millennia ago. She\u2019d been kidnapped by Lucifer\u2019s enemies while pregnant with his children. The archangel Michael had found Evangeline and convinced her that he could keep the twins safe from her lover\u2019s enemies. Michael had covered Lucifer\u2019s presence so thoroughly that the Morningstar never found the children of Evangeline, or the descendants of those children. Until he found me, daughter of Katherine Black, last direct descendant of Evangeline\u2019s line.<\/p>\n
He had other offspring, of course. I didn\u2019t know how many. Two of his sons had been insane monsters, and they\u2019d both tried to kill me. I wasn\u2019t in a big hurry to meet any more of Lucifer\u2019s progeny.<\/p>\n
\u201cWouldn\u2019t Azazel have known I was pregnant?\u201d I asked. \u201cI am of his line, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf he knew, it would only have made him angrier than he already was about your marriage,\u201d Beezle said. \u201cHe was never happy with your inability to fall in line.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI wasn\u2019t very interested in being a good little soldier for a father who never acted like one,\u201d I snapped.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd you don\u2019t need to get angry with me about it,\u201d Beezle said mildly. \u201cI\u2019m on your side.\u201d<\/p>\n
I rubbed my forehead in the place where a headache was starting to form. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Beezle. I just\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0. I don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAbout what?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAbout anything,\u201d I said. \u201cI just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I don\u2019t want to face the day. I don\u2019t want to get up in the morning knowing that Gabriel\u2019s not here.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was crying again. I couldn\u2019t seem to stop.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd the baby?\u201d Beezle looked very grave.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is a part of me that\u2019s happy,\u201d I said, wiping my face. \u201cA small part. But the bigger part of me is scared, because I know that if I live long enough to deliver this child, he will have a target on his back for the rest of his life. Every enemy that Lucifer has will be after this baby.\u201d<\/p>\n
When I thought about it that way, my future looked overwhelming. Was I ever to have a normal relationship with this child, or would I always be on the run, always fending off new threats?<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019ve got to secure a future for the baby now,\u201d Beezle said. \u201cYou can\u2019t wait until the demons are at your door. You have to find a way to make sure he is protected.\u201d<\/p>\n
I stared at him. \u201cAre you suggesting what I think you\u2019re suggesting?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMake a pact with Lucifer,\u201d he said. \u201cNow, while you can still dictate your own terms.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI can\u2019t believe you\u2019re telling me this,\u201d I said. \u201cYou know that I don\u2019t want to be another one of Lucifer\u2019s pawns. Besides, he wants the baby for himself. I can\u2019t trust him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, you can\u2019t trust him,\u201d Beezle said. \u201cBut if you wait until you have no other option for the child\u2019s safety, then Lucifer will make you pay more dearly than you can imagine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you have to tell me this today?\u201d I said tiredly. \u201cDon\u2019t I have enough to worry about already?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour problems won\u2019t go away just because you want to put a pillow over your head and pretend they\u2019re not there,\u201d Beezle said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t have to tell me that,\u201d I said grimly. \u201cMy problems never seem to go away no matter what I do. They just grow and multiply like gremlins.\u201d<\/p>\n
We both sat in silence for a few moments, contemplating the sad truth of this statement. Every time I attempted to extricate myself from the fallen, I found that I\u2019d gained more enemies and more entanglements than I had before.<\/p>\n
Subtlety is not my best thing. Politics requires a delicate hand. Those qualities are stock-in-trade for the fallen. I\u2019m more of a hack-and-slash-and-then-burn-it-all-to-the-ground kind of girl.<\/p>\n
I pushed to my feet, and Beezle fluttered up to the kitchen counter. I stood there for a moment, feeling lost.<\/p>\n
\u201cFood,\u201d Beezle reminded me.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, food,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
I opened the refrigerator door and looked in. There was absolutely nothing in it\u2014not even a jar of mayonnaise.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen was the last time I went shopping?\u201d I wondered.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe day that you and Gabriel followed Amarantha\u2019s ghost to the park,\u201d Beezle said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, that was\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0. a while ago,\u201d I thought, trying to count backward and failing. \u201cI guess I have to go to the store.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I\u2019ll come with you,\u201d Beezle said.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay,\u201d I mumbled.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat? No protest? No smart remark about my being a home guardian?\u201d Beezle asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can come if you want,\u201d I said tiredly. I couldn\u2019t think of any smart remarks. I just wanted to get through this task so that I could eat something and go back to sleep.<\/p>\n
I shuffled down the hall, pulled on my boots and coat, stuffed some cash in my pocket.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you coming?\u201d I asked, turning to Beezle.<\/p>\n
He hovered in the hallway, watching me with an indefinable expression on his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can\u2019t wander around in a fog like this forever,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d I said softly.<\/p>\n
I did know. Sooner or later, the world would come knocking at my door. Sooner or later, some enemy would appear, some new threat would manifest, and I\u2019d have to wake the hell up and deal with it. But not now. Not yet.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s go,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
Beezle landed on my shoulder, and we went out the door without another word.<\/p>\n
Beezle took advantage of my total lack of energy and convinced me that we needed a lot of junk food that neither one of us should be eating. I was too tired to argue so I just bought whatever he pointed at, paid for it and trudged home.<\/p>\n
I had my head down, watching my boots pushing through the snow, and wasn\u2019t thinking of anything in particular except more sleep.<\/p>\n
We were almost to the front porch when Beezle tapped me on the shoulder.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaddy,\u201d he said. His voice was urgent.<\/p>\n
I looked up. There was a figure standing in the shadows on the front porch. Someone tall, wearing an overcoat\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.<\/p>\n
\u201cGabriel?\u201d I said, my heart thundering in my chest.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d the person said, and stepped into the light.<\/p>\n
It was Nathaniel.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou,\u201d I snarled.<\/p>\n
I dropped the grocery bags in the snow and charged up the steps. Nathaniel put his arms up in the air, stepped backward, but he was too slow and I was too angry.<\/p>\n
I put my shoulder into his stomach, heard his hard exhalation as the breath went out of him. I tackled him down to the porch, kneeling with my legs on either side of his chest, and punched him in the face.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou,\u201d I repeated. All I could see was Nathaniel\u2019s face under a haze of red.<\/p>\n
I felt him struggle, try to push me off, but his arms were locked tight against the side of his body. He should have been able to move me. He was an angel, and I was only a half-blood. But I had a strength I\u2019d never had before, a strength fueled by rage and betrayal.<\/p>\n
My hands closed around his throat, squeezing tight. I pushed at the fragile accordion of his trachea, wanting to crush it to a pulp, wanting to kill him once and for all.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaddy!\u201d Beezle shouted, but his voice sounded far away.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaddy, you\u2019re going to kill him!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d I whispered, and when I looked at Nathaniel\u2019s purpling face I saw Azazel\u2019s malicious grin as he pushed his sword into Gabriel\u2019s heart.<\/p>\n
Nathaniel bucked hard, trying to throw me off again, his eyes wide and desperate.<\/p>\n
Another pair of hands covered mine, peeled my fingers off Nathaniel\u2019s throat with unnatural strength.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo!\u201d I said, clawing at Nathaniel\u2019s neck, drawing blood, trying to renew my grip.<\/p>\n
Those same arms surrounded me, pulled me from Nathaniel, carried me backward as I kicked and screamed like a madwoman.<\/p>\n
\u201cSamiel, no!\u201d I shouted. \u201cPut me down! Let me be!\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt Samiel shaking his head behind me. His arms tightened. Beezle fluttered in front of me. Nathaniel coughed, gasping for air.<\/p>\n
\u201cMaddy, you have to calm down,\u201d Beezle said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI will not calm down!\u201d I screamed. \u201cI want him dead!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe didn\u2019t kill Gabriel,\u201d Beezle said. \u201cHe\u2019s not Azazel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I spat. \u201cHe\u2019s Azazel\u2019s lackey. He sold people\u2019s memories to vampires. He sold children\u2019s memories. He knew Azazel was planning to rebel against Lucifer. And he tried to kill me the last time we saw him; do you remember?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s a cockroach, I agree. But if you kill him like this, you\u2019ll never forgive yourself,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve killed plenty before,\u201d I said bitterly.<\/p>\n
Ramuell. Baraqiel. Amarantha.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo defend yourself, or someone else,\u201d Beezle said. \u201cNot like this. You\u2019re not a cold-blooded murderer.\u201d<\/p>\n
I thought of Azazel again, and said, \u201cYes, I am.\u201d<\/p>\n
I could\u2014I would\u2014kill Azazel without a shred of pity or remorse.<\/p>\n
Nathaniel got to his feet, rubbing his throat. The sight of him made me furious all over again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019d better run,\u201d I said, struggling against Samiel\u2019s grip. \u201cBecause when I get down I\u2019m going to finish what I started.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI will not run,\u201d he said. \u201cI came to speak with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not sure this is the best time,\u201d Beezle said to Nathaniel. \u201cShe seems a little\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0. unreasonable right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t talk about me like I\u2019m not here,\u201d I said. \u201cI\u2019m not a child.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThen cease behaving like one,\u201d Nathaniel said.<\/p>\n
I narrowed my eyes at him. \u201cYou\u2019re not doing yourself any favors here, pal. What did you come here for?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI told you, to speak with you.\u201d<\/p>\n
His calm demeanor was making me angrier, which hardly seemed possible. There was a well of rage inside me that I had barely tapped. I\u2019d been so foggy with grief that I\u2019d forgotten how furious I was until I saw Nathaniel.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow can you stand there like that, arrogant as ever? How can you stand there and pretend that you\u2019ve done nothing wrong?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause I have spoken with Lord Lucifer and atoned.\u201d<\/p>\n
I froze, blank with shock. \u201cYou\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0. what? You spoke to Lucifer and he didn\u2019t strike you down on the spot? You participated in Azazel\u2019s rebellion!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI had no other choice,\u201d Nathaniel said icily. \u201cAzazel was my master, the lord of my court. I must do as I am bid.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s a really convenient load of bullshit,\u201d I said. \u201cYou had choices. You could have chosen to go to Lucifer when you had foreknowledge of the rebellion. You could have saved the lives of the people that were killed before you sucked their memories from them. You could have done a hundred things differently and in the end you chose to do exactly what you were told even if you knew that it was wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I had defied Azazel, I would have paid for it with my life,\u201d Nathaniel said. His voice had an undercurrent of anger.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you chose your own worthless skin over the lives of innocents,\u201d I said, letting my contempt show on my face.<\/p>\n
\u201cRegardless of my past actions \u2014\u201d he began.<\/p>\n
\u201cYour past actions are very relevant,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWill you allow me to complete a sentence?\u201d Nathaniel said angrily.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d finally cracked his icy fa\u00e7ade. Yay for me.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I spat. \u201cYou deserve no courtesy from me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLast time you saw her you did call her \u2018hell\u2019s own bitch,\u2019\u201d Beezle pointed out.<\/p>\n
\u201cLord Lucifer has heard my plea and accepted me as a part of his court,\u201d Nathaniel said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat you mean is that Azazel\u2019s plan didn\u2019t go the way he intended, and he abandoned you, so you were forced to crawl to someone else,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have never respected me,\u201d Nathaniel said, his eyes sparking furiously in the light from the streetlamps .<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I haven\u2019t,\u201d I said. \u201cI don\u2019t see why I should have to.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou were my betrothed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo not bring up that farce of an engagement again,\u201d I said through my teeth.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was not a farce to me,\u201d he said. \u201cWhen Azazel told me that you had married the thrall\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked lost suddenly, vulnerable in a way that I had never seen him before. But his reference to my husband as \u201cthe thrall\u201d set me off again.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s why I could never respect you. Because you cleave to this ridiculous notion that you were better than Gabriel.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was,\u201d Nathaniel said. \u201cYou were the only one who could not comprehend what an insult it was for you to marry one such as him.\u201d<\/p>\n
I thought I\u2019d reached maximum rage, but apparently I was wrong.<\/p>\n
\u201cGet off my porch. Leave this city and never come back.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat will be extremely difficult,\u201d Nathaniel said, icicles dripping from every word, \u201cas Lord Lucifer has bid me protect you as my penance.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said, pushing at Samiel\u2019s arms so he would release me. \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n
Samiel tightened his grip, and I turned to look up at him. He cocked his head, asking me with eyes, Can I trust you?<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t attack him,\u201d I said. \u201cI promise.\u201d<\/p>\n
Samiel looked like he wasn\u2019t sure.<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t,\u201d I said again, and he let me go.<\/p>\n
I marched up to Nathaniel, who took a half step back. Good. He\u2019d better be afraid of me.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow, hear this,\u201d I said softly. \u201cI don\u2019t care what Lucifer says. I will never submit to this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLord Lucifer has said that I am to protect you,\u201d Nathaniel said tightly. \u201cThat, I will do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd the first time your life might be threatened you\u2019ll run away with your tail between your legs. I can take care of myself, and that ought to be abundantly clear by now,\u201d I said with a pointed glance at his still-bruised throat. Angels heal fast, so I must have really damaged him for the marks to still show.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou cannot refuse Lord Lucifer,\u201d Nathaniel said, and there was a touch of desperation in his voice.<\/p>\n
I had a feeling a lot was riding on his ability to get me to cooperate. Too bad.<\/p>\n
\u201cWatch me,\u201d I said, and walked into the house.<\/p>\n
Chapter One Lucifer put his arm around me. It felt comforting, like the act of a parent, a parent I\u2019d always wanted\u2014a father. The air filled with the scent of cinnamon. It reminded me so strongly of Gabriel that the … Continue reading